Survey Says... Day #2 (Updated!)

How do you feel about your body?:

I feel sorry for it, i hate that it carries me through each & everyday & yet i struggle to find a day in which i truly appreciate all its wonder & glory. I have spent many years punishing it, mutilating & ridiculing it, a day in which i feel the slightest bit of contentment with my body is a great, great day, those are the days i carry it proud, care for it & most of all love it..But my challenge to fully accept my body in all its imperfections will be a long & chaotic one. This is what i fear most for my body. This is our relationship. I am proud of my body.I am strong for my size have born 3 very large babies to term.One csection,10lbs4oz,and two more vaginally with forcepts.9;ll,and10'2.Took forever for the csec scar to heal,and 28 years late it is quite visible,belly button to crotch.Took me along to to accept it.Oddly men never say anythink about it when we explore ourselves for the first time.lol i put my naked body on film the other day, i couldn't believe that was my body, i was very disalusioned.....the truth....i feel ugly I am constantly on the edge of mania,depression,and absolute fear; trying to find something to validate my inner sense of "beauty". Knowing that everything in our society is increasingly subjective to the temporary values and standards of a disposable society. Generally I am very pleased with my body- health, shape, color, texture, etc. The media and other people often make me feel more negatively or positively about different aspects of myslef, but sometimes it is my fault for comparing myself to others in the first place. It fluctuates every few years. When I first started college, it was the worse it had ever been, thanks to negative reinforcement from those around me. It was the first and last time I suffered from bulimia. Then I got help, found my beauty again through dance, and felt better than I ever did before. When I took the shots that I did for the Stripped Project, I felt the best I had in years. Now I'm somewhere in between. I look onto the photos of me with longing and envy. I keep trying to find that place again where I can look at myself in the mirror as a sensual, sexy human being. I dont know, hate it most of the time. Just wish no one had to ever see it so then I could just be me and love it. I hate it. Meh. Could lose some weight. Tone up. But it could be worse. comfortable My body is a subject that troubles me... I love it, I've been growing to love it more and understand that I'm not the only one who has a little extra. Hate it I am 6 months postpartum, and I feel that I would like to lose some weight.. I am beginning to accept my stretch marks and saggy breasts. Has it's flaws like everyone else, but on the surface, I look a hell of a lot better than 2 of my younger brothers. 5 Years younger. My feelings about my body yo-yo from one day to the next. Some days I feel great about it, and others I just feel so fat. I'm a middle-age man. I'm slim, but my body has some flaws, so sometimes I wish I had a "better version" of a body I guess. That depends on the day, but usually pretty okay. I do worry about my squishiness time to time, but I've gain 15 lbs and I still think I can fuck anyone. I'm kind of ambivalent. On the one hand, I am thin and I think I have a pretty face. On the other hand, I am kind of "bulgy" in some places and I feel like I have "problem areas". I am also kind of annoyed at my body, because it turns out I have autoimmune problems. So, I'm not too attached to it (figuratively speaking, of course). I really don't feel like it defines me but I think I'm very fortunate to be skinny, because it is much easier for me to get favors and positive attention than a bigger girl. I wish it were not that way, but I KNOW that there is a serious bias against big women in our culture. I feel lucky that I'm not on the "other side", but if I could get rid of that bias on my own I would do it in an instant. I would love for it to be healthier looking, i.e., more athletic, but it's not, so I am exploring ways to become more interested in it. Most days, I like my body. I've gained and lost weight in the last few months, and at one point I was the heaviest I'd ever been, but I got nothing but positive feedback about looking healthy. But then my anxiety got worse and I lost the weight again, and now I feel like I look spindly and not as pretty, plus I know I was healthier at the other weight. But I still feel weird about not "appreciating" my weight loss. It's complicated. But I have also been appreciating my body in a different way, recently, through yoga. I know how thin I am and that I'm pretty but I want to be thinner and prettier Most of the time I find my body beautiful. It's curvaceous and plump. I do not have a slim figure at all, I love how my body has character. At times I do find myself bummed that I cannot fit into the clothes that other slim people look so chic in but then again they will never look the way I do in the clothes that fit my shape so its a give and take. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and almost always proclaim "Damn, I am really fucking pretty" I feel that I am okay. I'm pretty, but not anything remarkable. Head over to the survey to contribute.

Survey says... Day #1 (Updated! With New Responses!)

Time for the results from my SURVEY!

I asked readers "What is beauty?" and they replied:

1. Its opening up your eyes wider, it's a feeling, an expression, self-objective perception, its physical, spiritual & emotional and it truly is everywhere.
2. beauty is the lovely,good stuff inside yout mind and bobyI amproud of my,
3. The Adult female naked body, there is nothing more sublime, then a naked women between the ages of 18 and 118
4. Beauty is that something inside each person that makes us comfortable being us. And,It works fine until we begin to have our self belief challenged by the world around us.
5. The positive feelings we get from experiencing (seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, or tasting) something that pleases us encompass beauty. Sometimes in expected places, sometimes unexpected, it is finding pleasure.
6. Beauty is the ability to see yourself as a whole item: full to the brim with intelligence, self-worth, sexiness, femininity (or masculinity), poise, and all the sugar and spice that makes you feel nice. More specifically, beauty is whatever you make of it. Some people feel most beautiful when they are dressed up and glamourous, some feel most beautiful wearing men's clothing. And some people feel most beautiful with no clothing at all. Beauty is about inward reflection.
7. It is something visual that makes me happy
8. Mother breastfeeding her baby.
9. How you feel
10. Something that that is seen or felt from within ones own mind.
11. The way you act or feel, I believe. The way you talk, the way you love... you've got a choice to be beautiful.
12. Confidence,happiness and being at one with urself
13. beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.
14. Personality first. Higher sense of compassion 2nd. 3rd would have to be a killer body.
15. I think beauty is being confidant in yourself.
16. It really depends. One definition is "healthy," but when you see a patient fighting to survive you can't say s/he is not beautiful.
17. That warm fuzzy feeling you get when you look at something.
18. That's a really good question. I think it's something that someone possesses. I feel like I either think someone is beautiful, or I don't. I definitely am not talking about looks alone, I mean the "whole package".
19. Stillness.
20. Beauty only counts to the beholder, and it's something that makes you happy. That's why we see beauty in the eyes and looks of the people we love, no matter what they look like.
21. Highly subjective yet very culturally ingrained as one ideal
22. Beauty is what you perceive as being pleasurable to you . The quote "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" definitely says it all. It varies from person to person.
23. I don't even know how to begin answering this.

If you want to contribute, click the link and make your voice heard.

Stripped #48

Stripped #47

Is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me.

- J.K. Rowling, The Daily Mail (5/12/06)

Guest Post: Suzanne Willis

So after a long day at work, I was quite excited to come home and relax and just watch TV. Now since my lovely Pittsburgh Penguins had been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, I had no choice but to scroll through the channels of my TV and try and find something else. Well low and behold, on NBC, The Miss USA pageant was on. After careful consideration, this is what I have decided.
REASONS WHY I WILL NEVER BE MISS USA:

1) I am not a size 0. This program began with these young women basically gyrating across the stage in their bikinis. Not one girl was the size of the average American women. So, seeing as how I am not a twig, I cannot compete.

2) Now let’s just say I am able to twig down, and I decide I want to run for Miss USA, I still won’t make it because I cannot acquire the right “mermaid” esque dress, or the right “accentuate the positives dress.” When the young women were doing their walk across the stage, they were asked why they picked the dress that they wore. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT DEFINES A WOMAN. So seeing as how I do not know the difference between an A-line and a Sweetheart style, I will never be Miss America.

3) I love America. I love being from the United States. That being said, I do not feel the need to hype up Amuuuuuuuuurica every two seconds. So When this next young lady (and the future winner who bears a striking resemblance to Kim Kardashian, who again represents the average American woman obviously) was asked about competing in this pageant, and how she wasn’t going to let finances be an issue, she began to talk about how she was going to sell her car, which was a Ford, because, “we buy everything American.” Well I guess me and my Honda can’t compete with the winner of Miss USA. So because I do not own an American car, I can’t be Miss USA

4) I fail at pretty poses. At the end of this two hour debacle, they had the women pose so the judges could get one last look. THEY STOOD THEIR AND MADE DIFFERENT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ALL THE WHILE WEARING A RITZY DITZY BALL GOWN. So seeing as how I lack the poise and balance to stand prettily, I will never be Miss USA.

5) I am not a Victoria’s Secret model. On the Website for Miss USA, they had all 50 contestants pose in lingerie. They also had it so that the girls could be rated on a scale of 1 to 5. I want to point out that most of these girls averaged a 2 or a 3. I am wondering what a 4 or a 5 looks like. These women claim that they want to inspire young women. Inspire them to what I ask? Pose in their underwear? The Winner of last year’s pageant talked about how she was so glad that she was able to inspire young women to dream big. Since when did “Dreaming Big” become about winning a beauty pageant? What happened to wanting to a doctor, or a lawyer, president or even just accomplishing what your heart desires? Why does your future have to be based on your looks?

Finally, I would just like to say that it sickens me how much the media and music and television promote that women have to look a certain way. It makes me so sad that women think their worth is based on their looks. Be happy with yourself. Do not let someone or something define you and make you feel inferior. If there is something about yourself that you don’t like then go change it, but don’t risk your health or your sanity for vanity. Being a woman rocks. I may not be entirely comfortable with myself, but I am okay with not being Miss USA.

Stripped #46