So after a long day at work, I was quite excited to come home and relax and just watch TV. Now since my lovely Pittsburgh Penguins had been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs, I had no choice but to scroll through the channels of my TV and try and find something else. Well low and behold, on NBC, The Miss USA pageant was on. After careful consideration, this is what I have decided.
REASONS WHY I WILL NEVER BE MISS USA:
1) I am not a size 0. This program began with these young women basically gyrating across the stage in their bikinis. Not one girl was the size of the average American women. So, seeing as how I am not a twig, I cannot compete.
2) Now let’s just say I am able to twig down, and I decide I want to run for Miss USA, I still won’t make it because I cannot acquire the right “mermaid” esque dress, or the right “accentuate the positives dress.” When the young women were doing their walk across the stage, they were asked why they picked the dress that they wore. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT DEFINES A WOMAN. So seeing as how I do not know the difference between an A-line and a Sweetheart style, I will never be Miss America.
3) I love America. I love being from the United States. That being said, I do not feel the need to hype up Amuuuuuuuuurica every two seconds. So When this next young lady (and the future winner who bears a striking resemblance to Kim Kardashian, who again represents the average American woman obviously) was asked about competing in this pageant, and how she wasn’t going to let finances be an issue, she began to talk about how she was going to sell her car, which was a Ford, because, “we buy everything American.” Well I guess me and my Honda can’t compete with the winner of Miss USA. So because I do not own an American car, I can’t be Miss USA
4) I fail at pretty poses. At the end of this two hour debacle, they had the women pose so the judges could get one last look. THEY STOOD THEIR AND MADE DIFFERENT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ALL THE WHILE WEARING A RITZY DITZY BALL GOWN. So seeing as how I lack the poise and balance to stand prettily, I will never be Miss USA.
5) I am not a Victoria’s Secret model. On the Website for Miss USA, they had all 50 contestants pose in lingerie. They also had it so that the girls could be rated on a scale of 1 to 5. I want to point out that most of these girls averaged a 2 or a 3. I am wondering what a 4 or a 5 looks like. These women claim that they want to inspire young women. Inspire them to what I ask? Pose in their underwear? The Winner of last year’s pageant talked about how she was so glad that she was able to inspire young women to dream big. Since when did “Dreaming Big” become about winning a beauty pageant? What happened to wanting to a doctor, or a lawyer, president or even just accomplishing what your heart desires? Why does your future have to be based on your looks?
Finally, I would just like to say that it sickens me how much the media and music and television promote that women have to look a certain way. It makes me so sad that women think their worth is based on their looks. Be happy with yourself. Do not let someone or something define you and make you feel inferior. If there is something about yourself that you don’t like then go change it, but don’t risk your health or your sanity for vanity. Being a woman rocks. I may not be entirely comfortable with myself, but I am okay with not being Miss USA.